


As I held you so tight (Forever you and I)

by random_firework



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Anorexic Sam Winchester, Caring Dean Winchester, Coda, Cuddling & Snuggling, Dean Winchester Has a Happiness Kink, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Episode: s15e14 Last Holiday, Established Relationship, Fluff, Kissing, M/M, Making Out, Season/Series 15, Tooth-Rotting Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-30
Updated: 2020-10-30
Packaged: 2021-03-09 03:07:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,461
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27257659
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/random_firework/pseuds/random_firework
Summary: A 15.14 "Last Holiday" coda.The presence of Mrs Butters in the Bunker enables the boys to celebrate holidays and birthdays in a way they never have. But Sam and Dean won't give up on their own private celebration for Sam's birthday.
Relationships: Dean Winchester/Sam Winchester
Comments: 10
Kudos: 188





	As I held you so tight (Forever you and I)

**Author's Note:**

> The title was inspired by the lyrics of Night Ranger's _I Did It For Love_.  
> Written because I'm just obsessed with the idea of Sam and Dean being s.o.f.t and happy together. Please be aware that it is heavily implied Sam is on a recovery process from anorexia.
> 
> Enjoy!

Dean’s muscles are not tensed, and it feels weirder than it should. But here he is, lying on his brother’s bed, almost sinking in it because of how comfortable it feels. He doesn’t realize he’s whistling until he has to stop to smile at Sam, who’s just entered the room and is looking at him with big round eyes. 

“What are you doing here? I was looking for you.” 

Sam’s voice is always so soft at this time of the day. He’s all relaxed, and oh God, how warm and pliant he must be. His cheeks are still a bit red from rubbing them after his evening shower and yeah, Dean knows he must be smelling heavenly too. He licks his lips unconsciously, but he notices Sam’s breath catch. He could tease him a little and play hard to get, but he’s never been hard to get when it comes to his little brother. And certainly not now, not when they haven’t been able to share more than a few stolen kisses here and there in the last months.

“Well… We’ve properly celebrated your fake birthday but we didn’t celebrate it the way the Winchester brothers do it.”

Sam throws a look behind him before closing the door and leaning against it. “Uh-uh. And what way is that?” he asks, a smirk stretching his lips. 

“Oh baby, ‘m just gonna have to show you again and make sure you remember it this time.”

Sam smiles even wider and it only takes Dean propping himself on his elbows for him to almost run toward the bed. He has never been good at playing hard to get either. The way his brother straddles him gives Dean too many dirty ideas – and memories – for a man his age. Sam is going to be the death of him but what a way to go. His hands can’t help but run across his brother’s back under his shirt, founding the familiar pattern of scars there, his skin warm and inviting as expected. Dean knows he’s lucky to even be able to do that but God be damned, he wants more. He can feel Sam watching him intently, eyes moving between his eyes and his lips, his hands clenching Dean’s shirt.

“C’m here,” Dean murmurs.

Sam leans in and stops an inch from his lips. Dean’s not sure if it’s to appreciate the moment or because of the shyness that still takes over Sam when it’s just the two of them like this, so close, but he leaves to his brother these few seconds he needs. If anything, it makes him hold him even harder when Sam finally closes the gap.

It’s everything; right there, his little brother’s lips on his, pressing gently. And yet it’s still not enough. It’s excruciating, how much his heart pulls inside of him, like it’s trying to meet Sam’s. And so Dean obliges, gripping his brother’s shoulders and sneaking a hand up his nape, urging him closer, until there is no air left between their bodies. 

When they pull away, Dean has Sam spread out beneath him in no time. It costs him to detach himself from his brother’s body – and, oh, the things he wants to do to this body – but what a view. It’s the way Sam’s eyes shine tonight that gets him, and the way he smiles at him – so big, so bright, dimples all out. Dean can’t tear his eyes away from him. There is nothing else that makes his heart beat like that, like it has found its rhythm. 

“How are you feeling?” he asks, just for the hell of it.

He wants to keep scrutinizing his baby brother’s radiant face but a sharp pain in the knee he injured a few days ago spreads through his body. When he lies down on his side, Sam mirrors him.

“Good.” 

His brother’s happiness is like a drug. Dean’s taken by another surge of love for him and Sam laughs when he grabs his face, going for another soul-crushing kiss that is returned eagerly. 

“Really, really good,” Sam says afterwards in a content sigh.

He slips an arm under Dean’s shoulders and flips on his back. The light from the bedside lamp brings out his profile, his nose that Dean likes so much and that he kisses, just because he can. He lets his lips wander around that face he knows so well, grazing a cheekbone, pecking a jaw. Sam’s skin reddens under this treatment, face all flushed as well as his neck, where droplets of sweat will no doubt start running when Dean gets him properly hot and bothered. Dean smirks at that and the hand he was resting on his brother’s torso moves to grip his waist.

Sam winces surreptitiously and his eyelids flutter open. Dean stops all movement and tries to meet his eyes, that he only catches for a second when Sam glances at him.

“I’m so full,” he says.

A small, self-conscious laugh follows and breaks Dean apart. He moves his hand away and places it back where it belongs, on his brother’s heart. He knows this tone, this phrase and the thoughts behind it. Memories of when they were kids are always on the back of his mind, ready to resurface, and this time it’s Sam at thirteen, transparent, so thin Dean used to wonder if one day he’d just disappear. And he did, for four years. Then he was back, twenty-two, baby boy now strong and healthy. Dean doesn’t know if Sam got help when he was at Stanford; Sam never said and Dean didn’t ask, because that’s how they rolled when they were young and pretty damn stupid. But Dean still notices some days Sam don’t eat much, walking the thin line between forgetting the food and rejecting it. And there are days where it’s like this, Sam fighting to accept the food inside of him.

“Feel like I gained twenty pounds the last five days,” Sam murmurs, pinching his belly under his t-shirt. 

Dean’s heart tightens. That’s the most his brother has ever said to him about the matter and he doesn’t know what to answer. He wants to go back in time and slap himself into researching what he is supposed to do, asking if there is even anything he can say to wipe away this look in Sam’s eyes, but he can’t. Instead, he takes Sam’s hand and pulls it away from his stomach. 

“You know you didn’t,” he tries, squeezing his hand.

His brother nods, eyes still glued to the ceiling. “I know,” he says softly. “Just feels like it.” 

Sam doesn’t elaborate further and Dean’s “I get it” almost passes his lips but he stops himself on time, still hoping the right words will magically come out of his mouth.

“Do you wanna talk about it?” he asks. It’s so foreign; he hears the awkwardness in his voice as much as he feels it in his body.

Sam doesn’t seem to mind the question. He breathes in and exhales loudly. “Nah. It’ll get better once we ease up on the feasts. I’ll manage.”

“Sure?”

“Yeah. I’ll be fine.”

Dean kisses his temple and Sam turns his face to him, flashing him a dimpled smile again. They lie there silently, exchanging lazy kisses, gazing at each other when they have to breathe. Dean’s happiness tank fills up twice as fast as it does when he indulges in hunts and women – not that he actually finds his way to any women lately. They have established early-on and without needing words that while sex between them is the hottest they’ve ever had, these moments that belong only to them bring them unparalleled peace. So if one of them isn’t in the mood? That is just as good.

Sam nestles against him, resting his head on his shoulder. He still fits there perfectly but the body under Dean’s hand isn’t softness and baby fat anymore, it is strong and firm, moving muscles bulging under the skin. He presses his fingers deeper into the flesh, pulling Sam even closer, and he’s afraid his heart is going to explode. His baby brother, all grown up.

“Hey, Dean?”

“Yeah?”

“Thank you. For…This.”

“We both needed it. Mrs Butters is right. We need to take time for ourselves. And for just…y’know, you and me. We should… Maybe we should do that more often.”

Sam raises his head and strokes Dean’s cheek lightly, before pulling him into a kiss.

“That was a yes, by the way,” he says, looking up at Dean with an impish smile.

“I figured.”

Dean buries his nose in his brother’s soft hair, losing himself in the feeling of him. It’s warm and nostalgic and full of promises.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading <3 I hope you liked it as much as I liked writing it :)  
> Kudos and comments are always appreciated!


End file.
